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Top Ten Ways to Open a Bottle of Beer without an Opener

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  • #1
    Cigarette lighter – Properly leveraging the bottom of a disposable lighter with a quick flick of the wrist will pop the top and temporarily alleviate your smoker’s shame until the six pack runs out.

    by DaedalusHowell

    15
    votes
  • #2
    Telekinesis – If you can bend spoons with your mind, then you can certainly open a bottle of beer. If you can’t, then you’re nothing more than flatware vandal and don’t deserve a beer anyway.

    by DaedalusHowell

    15
    votes
  • #3
    The Edge of Anything – Place the rim of the cap on the edge of something. Whack the top of the cap with your hand. Repeat until your hand hurts or your beer opens (or both).

    by DaedalusHowell

    4
    votes
  • #4
    Teeth – Nothing like the chill of cold beer on the raw nerve of a newly chipped tooth. Sometimes, however, it might seem worth it. Use your molars – they’re stronger and not as noticeable when missing.

    by DaedalusHowell

    4
    votes
  • #5
    Gun- Just cock the gun and shoot the top off (only works on private property)

    by Voldyroks

    4
    votes
  • #6
    Ring-Not only does it act as an important jewelry item...it can open beer bottles too!

    by Kimberly McCollister

    3
    votes
  • #7
    Keys – Though you’re not prepared enough to have a bottle opener on your keychain, you probably have keys. Sequentially pry the bevels around the circumference of the cap and be sure to use your least necessary key – like the one to your ex’s pad. Yeah, it’s kinda sad you still have it. Better have another beer.

    by DaedalusHowell

    2
    votes
  • #8
    Interior of a Car Door – The inner works of your car door’s latching mechanism has just the right size catch to snuggly fit the neck of a beer bottle and pry off its cap. However, you could be charged with having an “open container” of alcohol in the car and jailed for up to sixth months.

    by DaedalusHowell

    2
    votes
  • #9
    Saber – Sure, it’s a bit showy but whacking off the top of your brew with a large blade will make you a hit at parties and beheadings. Known as “sabrage,” the technique was perfected by Napoleon’s officers and is usually used on sparkling wine, though the champagne of beers will suffice.

    by DaedalusHowell

    2
    votes
  • #10
    Airliner – There’s an urban legend that commercial carriers do not pressurize the cargo hold of their jets. This is bad news if you’re a stowaway but could theoretically pop open a bottle of brew. A well-timed trip to the baggage claim and this Buds for you.

    by DaedalusHowell

    1
    vote
  • #11
    Belt Buckle – Only use this technique if you’re a total badass and can do it with your eyes closed, otherwise you will look extremely creepy fussing with your belt and a bottle.

    by DaedalusHowell

    0
    votes
  • #12
    Break it off – This tried and true method works especially well if your trapped in a Western or a Mad Max movie (it can happen), then you’re also ready for hand-to-hand combat.

    by DaedalusHowell

    0
    votes

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